It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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