Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
