He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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