I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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