Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
