im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
