Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
