So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
