I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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