i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
