I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
