you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so much tequila, so little girl.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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