My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
