i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
