you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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