sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
