woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
