Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize