Heybabeimwearingurpanties
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
