i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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