Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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