I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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