sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
