you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
