he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
