just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have aggressive nipples.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
