East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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