I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
