Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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