I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
