I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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