I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
