We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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