that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
