I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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