went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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