Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize