ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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