I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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