her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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