I need help removing her.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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