I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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