My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
