In the future we'll all be gay
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
His nipple licking is glorious
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