Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well I can't set my house on fire every night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize