The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
