People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
