So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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