Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
