Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
