DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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