Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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