so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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