shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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