dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
