I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
