Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
