If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
