Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
