Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize