I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
