Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize