I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
