i just google imaged poop.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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