I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize