You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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