Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize