Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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