I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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