Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
