UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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