He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
