He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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