evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
