now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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