the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
