I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
