he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
