I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
