I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
