He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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